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TheCuddlyKoalaWhale
Mary
Artist | Professional | Varied
United States
24. Recent Graduate with a BA in Art History and 2D Art Emphasis. Fighting my way through the largest art block of my life.

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Hi everyone,

I know I don't post often anymore, or at all really here... its mostly because of a depression in my art and fear of health issues that was hard to emotionally navigate and get through for several years during my undergraduate. Since I have graduated in December, and also have been unemployed for about 6 months a form of irony seemed to creep up on me.
I finally had the chance to relax for about the first time in my life for several months ( thanks to the help of my lovely fiancé). Then after about 2 months I got antsy, and just worked on job applications and starting a "professional website" like they told me towards the end of my undergraduate that I needed to have but didn't provide me the resources on how to do it (I did that myself, through Lynda.com and massive amounts of filtering through Pinterest posts and website links on how to start your own website).

Slowly as I worked on going through all of my school art, I felt that I was able to let go of the structure and the absolute need for someone to tell me what to make and I make something based off that. What I really wanted was to make art for myself and that has been what has been stopping me from making any original art anymore, even fan art just for fun. I personally have a lot of issues towards my university and the way they handle educating their artists to just make "textbook perfect art", and have no idea of how to actually be an artist or sell your work etc. ( a post for another time)

More recently, I have noticed the desire to doodle something, or sketch a flower, or draw my cat or fiance just because I want to, not because I was instructed to by someone else. It was strange becoming self-aware of the rise of my true desire to create something for the sake of appreciation and "just because". So to help keep this going, I decided that with a long-term art friend of mine that we do weekly drawings of things we enjoy that are just a part of daily life. This may mimic the structure that an institution provides but its different in the fact that I get a choice, I make the decisions, and that I am in full control. I noticed a lot of students where i went to undergraduate experience the "have to make art have to make art " almost robotic like production to obtain their degree, but once they were done, just like me they were left with more questions than answers. 
The ever creeping "Now What?" question of what to do next. Some figure this out much faster than others, and for some this could take forever to truly figure out since creating can always change for every day of your life.

 There are a lot of names to call this "now what" stage: art block, depression, a quarter life artist crisis even. All I seemed to have learned from making art is that not one single artist can seem to avoid a period of doubt, depression, and a lack of creation. They may not advertise the fact to the world and they may still be producing art but to the artist, their art will feel stagnant, stiff, and subpar. Within that factor, the belief that artists should always be making art every day of their life is irrational on every level.I personally believe that people should create every day of their life instead. 

What I mean by this is that creating a piece of art and just creating are completely two different things. When I couldn't bring myself to make art, I created other things instead. I baked, I helped people develop websites, I crafted toys for my cat, I played simulation games, made new memories by exploring my new neighborhood. The well of creation can't only be filled by art alone, it needs to be filled with life. Living breathing life.

Art is empty without it. I was empty without it. It can still take me all my life to work this out but at least I am aware. Because of this, I am happy, and I can create again.

thanks for listening if you read this far
-Mary
marycreatesart.com

Activity


Hi everyone,

I know I don't post often anymore, or at all really here... its mostly because of a depression in my art and fear of health issues that was hard to emotionally navigate and get through for several years during my undergraduate. Since I have graduated in December, and also have been unemployed for about 6 months a form of irony seemed to creep up on me.
I finally had the chance to relax for about the first time in my life for several months ( thanks to the help of my lovely fiancé). Then after about 2 months I got antsy, and just worked on job applications and starting a "professional website" like they told me towards the end of my undergraduate that I needed to have but didn't provide me the resources on how to do it (I did that myself, through Lynda.com and massive amounts of filtering through Pinterest posts and website links on how to start your own website).

Slowly as I worked on going through all of my school art, I felt that I was able to let go of the structure and the absolute need for someone to tell me what to make and I make something based off that. What I really wanted was to make art for myself and that has been what has been stopping me from making any original art anymore, even fan art just for fun. I personally have a lot of issues towards my university and the way they handle educating their artists to just make "textbook perfect art", and have no idea of how to actually be an artist or sell your work etc. ( a post for another time)

More recently, I have noticed the desire to doodle something, or sketch a flower, or draw my cat or fiance just because I want to, not because I was instructed to by someone else. It was strange becoming self-aware of the rise of my true desire to create something for the sake of appreciation and "just because". So to help keep this going, I decided that with a long-term art friend of mine that we do weekly drawings of things we enjoy that are just a part of daily life. This may mimic the structure that an institution provides but its different in the fact that I get a choice, I make the decisions, and that I am in full control. I noticed a lot of students where i went to undergraduate experience the "have to make art have to make art " almost robotic like production to obtain their degree, but once they were done, just like me they were left with more questions than answers. 
The ever creeping "Now What?" question of what to do next. Some figure this out much faster than others, and for some this could take forever to truly figure out since creating can always change for every day of your life.

 There are a lot of names to call this "now what" stage: art block, depression, a quarter life artist crisis even. All I seemed to have learned from making art is that not one single artist can seem to avoid a period of doubt, depression, and a lack of creation. They may not advertise the fact to the world and they may still be producing art but to the artist, their art will feel stagnant, stiff, and subpar. Within that factor, the belief that artists should always be making art every day of their life is irrational on every level.I personally believe that people should create every day of their life instead. 

What I mean by this is that creating a piece of art and just creating are completely two different things. When I couldn't bring myself to make art, I created other things instead. I baked, I helped people develop websites, I crafted toys for my cat, I played simulation games, made new memories by exploring my new neighborhood. The well of creation can't only be filled by art alone, it needs to be filled with life. Living breathing life.

Art is empty without it. I was empty without it. It can still take me all my life to work this out but at least I am aware. Because of this, I am happy, and I can create again.

thanks for listening if you read this far
-Mary
marycreatesart.com

Good Days Comic by TheCuddlyKoalaWhale
Good Days Comic
This was one of our first assignments for the class and one of the first times seriously trying out a comic format in a traditional media. I had a lot of fun especially drawing the puppy. (But of course I would) One of the most challenging things was trying to depict the public bus transportation and not make it look too detailed.

India Ink on Comic Board, 2014

Find more on my new website, marycreatesart.com
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A Passionate Career Choice is as Rare as a Unicorn by TheCuddlyKoalaWhale
A Passionate Career Choice is as Rare as a Unicorn
My job search has been extensive and is dryer than the dirt plains of the planet Mars. I have come to the conclusion that if you want a job you are passionate about, it is all about location, location, location. ( But no one tells you that these locations are normally the big cities that cost a lot of money to live in, commute to, or move to in general)
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I signed on to Deviantart in what it seems like forever. Wondering how to go about overhauling my gallery. Out with the old, in with the new i guess?

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:iconmbeckett:
mbeckett Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2015   Traditional Artist
Tag a quality deviant, You’re it! Heart :happybounce: 
Quality doesn't mean that you have a lot of followers, or a lot of messages. It means that you’re nice to other people, and you deserve to be happy. If you get this message, someone is telling you that they love you as you are, and they don’t care how many followers you have. Send this to 10 deviants who deserve it. If you break the chain, nothing will happen. But it’s just good to let someone know that you love them!<3
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:icontatsuya-shiro:
tatsuya-shiro Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Hey! Thanks for the fave!
:onfire:
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:iconthecuddlykoalawhale:
TheCuddlyKoalaWhale Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2014  Professional General Artist
you are very welcome!
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:iconoreiria:
Oreiria Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for the fav! (:
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:iconthecuddlykoalawhale:
TheCuddlyKoalaWhale Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2014  Professional General Artist
You are very welcome!
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:iconjadeit3:
Jadeit3 Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2014  Student Digital Artist
:iconthankyouforthellama: :+fav:
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:iconthecuddlykoalawhale:
TheCuddlyKoalaWhale Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2013  Professional General Artist
 aw thank you !
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:iconmykklaw:
mykklaw Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy birthday!
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:iconthecuddlykoalawhale:
TheCuddlyKoalaWhale Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2013  Professional General Artist
thank you for remembering!
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